In my previous posts I looked at the dimensions of personal direction and pushing myself to do things and what it means to me and how it plays out within my life currently. In this post I’ll look at my experiences and what I’ve learned and realized when it comes to participating within a group, amongst many people, within living, working and making decisions together.
Creating Beliefs About and Resistance Towards Others
One of the main points of conflict that I’ve found and experienced within myself in relation to others is when I believe or believed that the other has to approach a certain situation the same way I do, with the same amount of dedication, focus and care that I believe I would exert in the particular moment. When I would then observe that this is not the case and somebody “does not live up to my expectations” I would be disappointed “with this person” and I would blame this person for not being good enough, not living up to his/her potential, creating a barrier, a point of resistance and negative energetic charge within myself towards this person within and as my mind.
Such a belief of/towards another creates further distrust and later on is like a lens or filter – I would use to look at this person – that blurs the picture and prevents me to asses the current situation effectively and without the interference of the past.
I have found it to be essential to let go of such beliefs of/towards another – and any other beliefs for that matter. This creates space within me to approach each situation where I am in the presence of somebody else or I am working with someone on something – fresh and without preconceived ideas about this person. Because even a single negative thought I hold towards another can slip out in the “right” moment and compromise the present moment interaction I have with another and create all kinds of consequences stemming from me bringing baggage from the past into the present moment with another being.
Letting Go of Control Over Others
When I am participating within a group, that I am a part of, especially in the past, there was a strong desire to control the outcome of the group decisions. I’ve found that this desire for control (and power) comes from the fear of how various group decision will affect myself from the perspective of my self-interest. Another aspect of this “want to control and have power over others” is the belief that “I know better” and others are inferior compared to my intellect/abilities/experience and they should follow what I say/do.
Such beliefs again result in the creation of friction and resistance between me and others as the reality of the situation is such that I can’t control the outcomes of group decisions and where the group is going and there is always a certain level of uncertainty and having to be prepared for the unexpected.
What I have found to be an effective participation within a group environment is to always put myself in the shoes of others and when and as I see I can contribute something or share something, whether it is in terms of ideas or guidance or a solution to a particular situation/problem – I do it. The direction towards finding solutions together is what I always direct myself and others towards. Effective communication within a group is never personal, it is always about:
- What is the situation we’re dealing with here?
- What is the solution we can all agree on walking together?
Living together with others people effectively means to me taking leadership and taking responsibility for the situations that arise when and as necessary as well as making sure others have the opportunity to take leadership and responsibility for particular points so that the “body” of the group is equally strong and well balanced. Empowering others means assisting others when I see the opportunity and the “door/opening” to do so, where I can share, show or teach another something I have previously learned about myself or how to do or approach something or someone effectively and within the principle of what is best for all.
Within the point of developing a group into a balanced being that can act as one, there is suddenly no need for control of one individual or a small group of “leaders”. As everyone within such a group is able to take responsibility and assume leadership when and as necessary and according to one’s specific skills and abilities and the situation at hand. Personal responsibility, shared education, leadership development and empowering others will be the keys for developing a new world worth living in, as these points, coupled with effective communication, prevent friction and conflict from arising and festering within our societies. Without friction and conflict between each other, humans will be able to, for the first time in history, move together as one to create, what I would call a real civilization, that is in fact civilized. That is something I am looking forward to.