Here I am sharing how writing has grown for me and within me into a certain specific expression, over time, over periods of doing it, then stopping for a long time, then picking it up again and through realizing a point of an empty space within and as me, that I have created through inconsistency within this point of self-supportive writing.
I’ll first describe a general timeline and outline of how self-supportive writing developed for me, how I utilized it, what I saw within it, what it opened up within me and my latest realizations within what writing means to me and what I do express through it at the moment.
First period of consistency
The first time I saw I applied myself within long term, consistent writing was around the time when I came to the Desteni farm. Many people here have already been writing consistently for a long time and I followed their writing feverishly as it was something extraordinary, something I have never seen before: raw, direct, always carrying something I could see within myself within greater clarity and detail after reading somebody else’s experiences within the same or similar point.
It was clear to me that to expand within my own process of self-realization and self-awareness I can’t only read somebody else’s words. I actually have to start “writing myself out” – create my own “material” – for myself and for others, to see and benefit from.
The beginnings are often difficult and so it is with self-supportive writing. Initially my writing was slow. I had to pull out every word and sentence, slowly, out of myself. Sometimes I would “go astray” or diverge from the focus of what it is I wanted to write about and I would see that and I would have to start again. As self-supportive writing is not just putting anything that comes out of my mind out there, on the paper or computer screen. It is a specific tool, a specific application, that in fact comes with great responsibility to myself and to others that read what I write. Thus this writing has to be approached with utmost attention, care, self-intimacy and seriousness.
Why such a specific approach?
Writing is a process of creation
What I create – stays with me. Thus I do not want to create things I can not live with as myself, things that would compromise me or somebody else. I want to create a clear path – a way – for myself and for others – of self-realization, self-forgiveness and practical, common sense applications, explained in the greatest simplicity I am capable of at the very moment of writing.
The effects of consistent, public self-writing
I observed the following within the period of time (around 12 months) where I applied consistent, public, self-writing:
- My mind stabilized extensively – from the perspective of experiencing much less distraction, internal busyness, preoccupation with thoughts and internal reactions.
- Deep feeling of satisfaction of getting out and opening up in detail many ideas, problems, solutions or processes that would otherwise play out only within my mind, incoherently and without an outlet or a way to fully and properly express, understand and release them.
- I was able to establish and develop an intimate relationship – an agreement – with another person, that stands to this day, thanks to me being able to stabilize myself and understand myself as the point of emotions and feelings in relation to wanting a relationship and how to go about it with this person was extensive and difficult. Would I be able to effectively walk through this without the support of my self-writing? No.
- I heard from other people that read my posts that they saw many points that they can relate to within what I wrote about myself and thus they were able to better understand themselves as well as use what I do as a point of inspiration.
And then I stopped writing…
…which allowed me to see the distinct difference of before/after and with/without in relation to consistent self-writing. On this I’ll write in my next post. Stay tuned.